Pause.

I am pressing the pause button on my life... well, at least the computer portion. So, not a lot of action from me (not that there has been much here lately)... but I will be back (hopefully a little refreshed) in the swing of things soon. I am kicking around some thoughts about how to get the shoes laced up and get out there again. First I have to get healthy, and gain a bit of focus... thus, the pause. Take care.

Not Good...

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Originally uploaded by TreeBed

I wanted to start running when I got back to Iowa... instead I messed up my back on the drive, and fell down some stairs (twisting my ankle).

Geez...

Runner's Yoga

My energy is still a little lacking from that bug I got... so I have felt like I need to conserve my energy to get back to 100% (also incase I am fighting off some sort of virus that is zappin me). However, I want to do SOMETHING for my body. This lead me to pulling out a book that I have had sitting around since college... The Runner's Yoga Book, by Jean Couch. At least then I will be working towards getting my body ready to run. I have been feeling like much of my knee problems come down to my body being so tight. I want to think I can just pull out the book and start practicing a daily routine, but I sorta know myself better than that. Perhaps I will check out a class to help get me going... we'll see.

Pink Triangle (2)

Pink Triangle
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Well... it wasn't a run, but it certainly was a workout going up and down the hill with the giant pink canvases. This year I actually worked, when it came to helping my cousin Patrick (and Fam) with the Pink Triangle. We took it down today, and I am sure my legs (as well as some other muscles I didn't know I had) will feel it tomorrow.

It was a good time though... and a cool thing to be a part of... especially since it was with family.

Bleh.

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Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Caught some bug... not been feeling well. This picture sums up most of my activity the past week or so. I am on the mend though... hopefully I can get out soon.

Although if these fires keep burning... it will be like running while smoking a pack of cigarettes.

Swing

Swing
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Didn't record my run yesterday... wasn't a whole lot to record, but I did get out. I had to push through some knee pain to get it done. However, I felt good about it when finished.

The second clip in the video is of me in the hammock at the house (right before my run)... If you want to do something good for your running (and the planet)... go read In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollan. It is a good start to thinking differently about the way we eat (which is sorta an important part of living... and living well).

Today: a fair bit of walking to get water for my overheating car...
Week: 3 miles

China Camp Run

China Camp Run
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Oh where does this path lead... This is a shot from yesterdays run. A good day for a good run. It was short, and a little painful. However, I was still quite happy with it.

About to head out for today's attempt... we'll see what happens.

Today: a few miles
Week: a few more miles.

Another Short One

It was another short one tonight, but I did get out... and it was longer than last night. Part of this was due to the sore wheel (left knee), and part of it was a fire burning in nearby Fairfield. I could see the plume of smoke over the hill as I drove to the little reservoir in Vallejo. I also knew that it was a chemical fire from the radio news report accompanying the site, and they were evacuating the surrounding area... so, this seemed like a good reason to cut things a bit short tonight. However, I am sure the air that I breath on a regular basis in Vallejo is just as bad as any I was inhaling during the run.

My short run did include some hills, and so I will be happy with the burn going on in the legs... as well as the momentum of two days of running in a row.

Today: a couple miles
Week: some running

Still Going...

Had a bit of a break... not really intentional, but chose to put energy into some other things. However, I am ready to get back to it, and got myself out the door this evening. It almost didn't happen as I got caught up in election coverage, but I managed to at least get out and get the legs moving. Not much more... we'll get a bit farther tomorrow.

Today: Running shoes, shorts, and running.

Cobwebs

Is that how you spell cobwebs? I guess so... anyway, I blew a few cobwebs out today and got past my "travel tightness" (perhaps that is why I am always traveling... so I can blame it on traveling and not on getting old and out of shape). At any rate, it was a nice (quick) three miles this evening. The crisp Spring air coaxed me into pace that was an obvious change from the past few days, and it felt good. I can feel some strength starting to creep back in... that little voice returning that says, "I like this..." (it has been a while since running has felt like something that was a "good" thing).

Today: 3 miles
Week: 6+ miles

Good Start

A good start to the week... 3+ miles running... with a mile or so of walking to finish it off (just cause it was so nice out).

Today: 3+ miles
Week: 3+ miles

(edit): as an add on (I had to write this post quickly sunday)... I have to partially credit Noah Earle with helping get me out the door on this day. We had the musician for a rare afternoon Sunday show at Shaky Tree, and we got to talking about running. After the good talk, I figured I had no choice but to get out and get one done... I was glad I did. And if you get the chance to check out Noah's music... I highly suggest it!!!

Better.

I felt better yesterday. I still had to slow up a few times and force a shortened stride, but it didn't alter my run too much. Even though my running hasn't gone "smoothly" this week... I can feel a change in my attitude towards it (and maybe towards myself in general). I think that I have turned a corner, being able to see it for the tool that it is in my life right now... rather than judging it compared to what it has been in my past. Growth. Spring is good for that.

Yesterday: 3+ miles
Week: Growth

Two for Two

I am now two for two this week on runs that I can't really count as runs. I got out the door again today, and I actually felt pretty good, but... I am back in Iowa, the weather was beautiful... I mean, perfect... and I got a lot done today (that gave a little mental boost). I was ready to rock that run. Unfortunately I didn't think too much about my travel day, or how that might of effected my body. So I got a little rambunctious. I am getting to the point where I can actually have moments of feeling pretty good during my run (especially early on). It is sort of like my body is remembering how it works, but obviously not enough to say, "hey buddy... slow down so we can get loosened up and make it through this whole run!"

And so... I did not make it through the whole run. My knee started yelling, and I had to walk. This was not all bad, because it was such a beautiful evening to "walk" and watch the sunset. However, I was a little frustrated that I wasn't smarter (and kinder) with my body. I guess that is partly why I am keeping this blog... it is now written down, and hopefully I will learn enough to do better tomorrow.

Today: A few miles running, and some walking
Week: Some running... some walking

Something...

is better than nothing... that was my approach to running today. I have managed to keep working on the early mornings (at least the idea of changing old patterns... "early" is relative you know). However, I can't say that it has been a huge boost to my mental state. I am not sure why, but I have been pretty sluggish this past week (mentally and physically). I know part of it is the stress of life changes and not feeling very connected to much of anything... I'm coming up on 3 years of constant movement (haven't been in one place for longer than 3 months for over 2 years), and the lack of being rooted has taken its toll. These are just guesses and things I have been thinking about... so, I figured I would write them down to take note.

I also think allergies have been draggin me down a bit... bleh!

Anyway... I managed to get the shoes on and at least start today... I didn't go far, but I didn't really care. My body (and/or mind) is not "right", and until it feels a bit more "normal"... I will cut it some slack.

Today: I ran.
Week: Hopefully I will do it again.

Morning Person...

Perhaps I will become a "morning person"... ok, now all of you who know me can get back up into your seats and compose yourself. Yes... I said it, the word "morning" in reference to myself, and not in the context of sleeping well into it. This week I have found myself up before 7 a.m... 4 out of 5 mornings. This is normal for some, and I have had working stretches of being up well before the sun for weeks on end (or never-ending as it often felt). However this week it was all on my own accord (with a little help from that pesky Brother... who certainly IS a morning person), and dare I say... I have enjoyed it. I have also been quite productive with this time, and feel a certain sense of reinventing myself by doing so.

I have had times in my life when I thought about making a change to really solidify a shift in my... lets say, "existence". You know, one of those times where you just know you need to change the dynamic of your world (perhaps inner, outer or both). Sometimes I cut my hair... or let it grow... or change locations (perhaps repeatedly every few weeks), jobs, start running/stop running... lots of things. This is where I am. The kind of shift where I want to create a different way of looking at the world (and maybe change the way the world looks at me). Changing a very ingrained pattern in my life (one that is often used to partially define me) is a pretty dramatic way to do that. It is also a pattern that has existed as a constant over all the types of changes that I listed above... thus giving it a different weight.

I have done a lot of processing and growing through this blog, and the past few years of dealing with my grief has been a great teacher. Yet... I haven't felt the shift of breaking free of that classroom... rarely taking ownership of what I have learned. This has left me frustrated. I have been waiting for the shift to happen to me, rather than creating the shift with my action. Knowledge is not worth much in the classroom... only when we leave that space and put it into action do we see the level of our understanding (and usually see we have a ways to go... which is actually the fun part). Not to say we never return to the classroom... but the trick is knowing when you are stuck there. And then the task becomes finding your way out.

I am going to see if this "early morning" door is my way out... out into a world that I know needs my full participation, rather than just the parts of me that get past my self-conscience fears. Can't say that it is going to be the only door for me, but it certainly will be potent statement that I am working on it. Today... it was a beautiful morning outside the classroom.

Today: 3 (early morning) miles
Week: 3 miles (plus 6 miles hiking)

Hikin

Wildcat Camp
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

No run for a few days... ok, a week. I traveled back to CA, and then got caught up doing "catch up" stuff around the house. I also knew that I would be getting several days of hiking in on the weekend... of which I would need everything my body had to offer.

So, Friday was a nice an easy 2 miles in... Saturday was a solid 10 miles, which featured a wonderful little uphill section (yeah)... and Sunday was about 6 or so out (again with the hills... straight up from where that yellow is... ouch).

My body definitely feels it (I am pretty sore today)... but I am also happy to report that I could feel the miles that I have been running... working for me. I had some good conversations with Skippy and GASR about running, training and thinking about some future races (toying with the idea of a triathlon). All in all it was a great weekend, and despite a bit of "body breakdown"... it was good for my motivation to keep moving these small steps forward.

On the Road... Again.

I REALLY didn't want to bother with a run this morning... I am heading out (back to CA) today and I just didn't feel like messing with one more thing. However, just for that reason... I figured I better go ahead and do it. I take this morning's decision as a good sign. I so often chose the opposite, that my running (or anything requiring a habit forming discipline) never got off the ground. So, I bid farewell to Indianapolis... you have treated me pretty well in this new beginning.

On to some California running... we'll see how that treats me. Although regardless, it will be nice to sleep in my own bed (it has been awhile), and see people I love and miss.

Today: 3 miles
Week: 3 miles

Fire.

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Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Grief has done a lot to dampen my fire... or perhaps simply internalize it. I created this tattoo as a symbol of both my fiery passion, and my quiet calm nature. Both are a part of me. I can see both as useful tools to express myself along my path. However, I have often found it difficult to understand the balance necessary to utilize both the "sun" and the "moon" to their potential in my life. Too many times have I flashed anger when patience was needed, or waited quietly when a bit of flame could have lit the fuse of efficient action. The fog of grief has turned my fire inward... burning in my veins... unable to find the proper outlets for a number of years now. Tonight I remembered how running (and other sports) used to be a wonderful place to plug in, and gain understanding of how to use my fire.

I woke up with a very sore neck (slept wrong... and with all the driving my back is a mess). I was not looking forward to my run, because it was painful to move my body much at all. However, I wanted to get into the double digits for the week's mileage... so it had to be done. I got out there just wanting to get a couple miles in, mostly to say I did it. I ended up pounding out 3 quick miles... pushing harder than I had in a very long time. I felt a rhythm that I had forgotten, and a burn that I remembered all too well. I wanted to shy away... let it dampen down, but I didn't. I fueled it (if only briefly). I let my instincts lift my legs, settle into my stride, expand my lungs. Balance. It was beautiful, and I think I will search it out again.

Today: 3 miles
Week: 12 miles

Love. The. Trails.

Yup... got back out on the trails in Greencastle... with a thunderstorm approaching and the crunching rhythm of limestone underfoot, it was pretty sweet. Strange how a run can often highlight so much of what is going on in your life...

Today: 3 miles
Week: 9 miles

Small Steps & the Boston Marathon

Yesterdays run was short, due to a road weary body... I drove to Indiana to surprise someone special (which worked out very well). So, the plan was to get a longer run in today after loosening up a bit yesterday. It was a morning run (not always a strong suite of mine) and the weather was already warm and pleasant. Indianapolis has a nice city park along the White River and I managed to find my way to a trail between the river and the zoo. The trees are blooming and the air is warming up to the idea of Spring. However, my body was tired... I haven't done runs on consecutive days for quite some time, and I could feel the stress of my first attempt at it. All of this added up to a decision, press through... or give up. I have been "giving up" a lot lately.

Today I did my best to press through. I carried with me the inspiration of a fellow runner... Tom Nichols, Graceland alum, and top 50 finisher at the Boston Marathon 2008. Tom is not only a great guy (generally speaking), he is a perfect example of how hard work and perseverance can put the pieces together to achieve greatness. This is one of the things that I love most about running as a sport. It is why running proves to be such a potent metaphor and parallel for much of what goes on in my life... because it is rarely about the short term, and almost always judged in some sort of long term perspective. There are many collegiate runners (in any division) that would have beaten Tom during our college days... most of them will NEVER run 2:29 at Boston. Tom is an example of sticking to a way of life... making running a "part of who you are" to achieve... and this past weekend it all came together into one GREAT race. Congrats to Tom, and thanks for inspiring me to squeeze an extra mile out of my run today. I am on my way with "small" steps, and thankful for all the help I can get.

Today: 3+ miles (over 30min with a short break to watch some turtles)
Week: 6 miles

Short.

Short run... short post... Both will be longer tomorrow.

Today: 2+ miles
Week: 2+ miles

Rainy

It was rainy and cold... I ran... It was done.

Actually that is not true. During my run, for a few brief moments... I just let myself enjoy it. Even though it was nasty out, and my goal for the run was to get it done... I realized, "hey, I better be present to this... even for just a few steps". This had quite an effect on the rest of my run. Something I need to remember in much of what I do.

Yesterday: 3 miles
Week: 8 miles (I might break double digits this week...)

After Run

After Run
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

I am not a fan of the wind... And I wasn't really looking forward to running in it (especially since it was spoiling a really beautiful day). However, on the positive side, it did dry out the land enough to hit the trails.

Thank you wind.

Today: 2+ miles
Week: 5 miles

Defeat, but not Defeated

Yesterday I had what felt like my first mental defeat in this short stretch of running. The weather wasn't great... well, lets be honest it was CRAP!!! Snow in April is not my friend. However, I was determined that I was still going to get out for my run... I didn't. I just couldn't face it. This winter has been tragically long, and I am left without much energy to fight it. So, I didn't.

The good news is... today I woke up to sunshine and bright blue skies (even if there was a stiff North wind). Warmer weather is in the forecast, and I headed out the door knowing I could make this a great week. Today's run was ugly. I mean, there was nothing pretty about it (complete with windswept spit across the shirt)... but I did it with a "workman" like attitude that I have needed in order to string enough runs together to actually say that I am running again. I want to make this the week I move from "just getting out the door"... to beginning a path to go somewhere I want to go. More about that later...

Speaking of getting where I want to go... I also started my Spring cleaning today. This Winter has been a rough one. A lot of things have been buried, and left unattended. Time to shake out the dust... stir things up. I am ready to look at what survived the harsh Winter. Today I did see the green of the grass returning, that is a good sign. In spite of all the Winter could throw at us, the grass has reawakened... ready to grow once again. And so shall I.

Today: 3 miles
Week: 3 miles

Two for One

I didn't get a chance to post about my run on Monday, but it was great!!! The weather was perfect as the sun was setting, and the people of Indianapolis were out in full force enjoying it. I managed to find the "canal walk" which provided a nice spot for the first half of my run (the other half being downtown-urban)... it wasn't wooded trails, but certainly was fun people watching. Something else was present on this run, and I am not sure I have put my finger on it yet. However, I felt stronger than I have felt on a run in long time, and with that came a mental shift. I am not sure what will come of it, but I wanted to make note of it. The other thing that this run brought was finally getting 3-pain-free miles out of a run... oh yeah!!!

Today's run was not as inspiring. Although it was a bit quicker pace than normal, and that felt kind of good. It was quicker in part, because I am back in Iowa and it is colder (I wanted to warm up). I also think that the pace was a good (along with Monday's run) indicator that I am making progress. Nice...

Today: 2 (quick) miles
Week: 5+ miles

Parking Lots...

Well, if yesterday was running bliss, on the wooded trails of Indiana... Saturday was the opposite. Today I ran from our hotel in Lafayette, across the parking lots and back lot fields of the main strip... taking in the invasive smells of fast food and car exhaust. However, the beautiful warm Spring sun faded out the lackluster backdrop, and it was still a pleasant (yet again short) run.

The terrain did have the positive effect of keeping things on the slow side, and this helped make it a relatively pain free run.

I have been thinking a great deal about how impatient I have been since the loss of my father. I didn't post anything this year on the passing of my Dads birthday (March 28)... However, I did write a bit here, and I think the thoughts show a parallel again on my path of running and grief. Through the process of losing my father I gained new insights about this world (and my own place in it), but it also brought a sense of helpless-urgency that is often difficult to tame. I tend to lose sight of the importance of steady progress, and more importantly... the freedom of being able to enjoy that process. When I set out to get in shape a few years ago (the beginningof this blog) I merely wanted to get back to someplace (regain a footing). I was able to use running as a tool to help me do that, but I had problems sustaining it. I lacked a certain discipline to continue building, and was missing an element of my own curiosity to see what each run would bring (both physically and mentally). For most of my life, running (like many things) was simply part of the routine, something I felt I needed to do (rarely exploring why). The last few months I have found myself struggling... sinking into many of the dark (and all to familiar) places... I often call this Unattended Sorrow. As Spring awakens the landscape, I am hoping to awaken my own understanding of the tools at my disposal. Running is one of those tools I will use to remind me of the ongoing processes of my fitness, and my life... Small steps, adding up to an ongoing path that is me.

Today: 2+ miles
Week: 5 miles

Trails

I am back on the campaign trail (my lady-friend works for Mr. Obama), and I have found myself in Indiana... yesterday for my run that placed me specifically on the campus of DePauw University. My body is a bit of a mess because of travel (oh, and not running for almost 2 years solid doesn't help either). However, I managed to find a very lovely trail system at DePauw's nature preserve. A well maintained crushed limestone surface (my favorite) rolled along gentle hills and through the rock cliffs of an old quarry. This was a treat to run on, and it coaxed me into pushing a little harder than my old bones were ready for... so, the end of my run saw a painful left knee, and some walking. It also brought out an ominous group of buzzards that were perched high in the trees above the rock cliffs. I did my best to NOT look like scavengers' dessert... feeling the metaphor (or maybe they really were waiting for me to keel over) motivating my posture into at least "looking" strong.

All in all it was good to get out into near ideal running conditions... something that has been hard to come by in Spencer as I have begun to get back into shape. Hopefully Spring will greet me on my return to Iowa.

Thursday: 2+ miles
Week: 2+ miles

Cold

So I am looking forward to running when it is not cold. I just hope that we don't skip over perfect Spring days, and go right to hot Summer ones (even less a fan of those... midwest humidity...bleh). This morning the sun was out and it appeared to be a beautiful day for a run... instead I found the bitter Iowa wind. Oh well, at this point I am not out there long enough for it to matter much, but it sure is a nasty trick to look so nice out (and not be). Legs felt a bit better than last run... as long as I get another one in sometime soon... I should be headed towards surpassing my current 20 min limit. Maybe the weather will do its part, and give me a reason to stay out longer...

Today: 2+ miles
Week: 4+ miles

Back at it...

Got back out the door after a few busy (cold and crappy) days... my legs managed to tighten back up (nullifying any good I did them last week). So, it was more of a run/walk as I loosened back up, and fought with a sore left knee. However, it felt good just to get out in the sunshine (in shorts no-less), and hopefully I can get the wheels turning enough to work out the kinks soon. It was also good that I got out, because although it was sunny today... they are talking snow tonight. Oh so exciting.

Today: 2ish miles
Week: 2 miles

Run #2

Today was sunny. And warm (well, it felt warm for NW Iowa). And I watched the day patiently from Shaky Tree, waiting for my chance to get out and take advantage of this Spring preview. However, instead of basking in the warmth of the sun as I enjoyed my easy "getting back in shape" pace... with about an hour to go before I could get outside... the clouds wrapped their way around the sky. All the blue and promise that Spring is right around the corner, was replaced by the suffocating grey of Winter. Sad. Oh so sad.

I am happy to report though that I got out anyway, and it was certainly more pleasant that my run Sunday. I also managed to make it through the entire run with little to no pain in my knee (this has been an issue, one which I will cover more later). These are good things.

Today: 2+ miles
Week: 5 miles

A Place to Start...

This is not a political blog... and this post is not about who I want you to vote for in the next election. It is simply about a place to start. If you have a half an hour... listen to the speech... or read the transcript. It is worth ALL our time to at least think about.



I can't help but feel that the words spoken by Senator Obama come at a needed time. If nothing else, needed for me. There are so many huge issues in our world today. So many obstacles to make dealing with those issues seem impossible. However, I also feel very strongly that if we can find "a place to start", a moment where we recognize the possibilities... we can create change. Change towards the better. That is a very different thing than having all the answers before embarking on the journey (something I am to often striving for... with dismal results). It is a spark that lights a fuse. It is a realization that we are in this together, no matter how different we all seem... and that at the root of it all... we are internally dealing with much of the same "stuff". A common grief.

Anyway, I am starting this next chapter without any grand statements, or major goals... instead I am starting with the curiosity of where my "starting place" will take me. Feel free to follow along as I write about it here. And thanks ahead of time for the energy you might add to the journey.

pssst...

I got a run in today...

Today: 2+ miles
Week: same