Up?

21
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Well... here I am again... out of shape both physically and mentally. It seems I keep finding myself in this place. Today I prescribed myself a run. I need it. My heart and mind are stuck, and my body is a rusty pile of bones. I wanted to find a space of inspiration, of momentum... instead I fell flat on my face... and then some. Perhaps this means there is no where to go but up? I am not sure. I tried to listen to the wind as I hobbled back to my car. I was sure there was some wisdom carried in the rain drops as the began to fall, mixing with the tears that broke through when I hit the ground. However, there was no such clarity, just a muddy mess.

I think to find such clarity I need to re-learn the art of stillness. Things only shake out and settle when we are still. My running often takes the form of stillness (at least it did once upon a time). I remember runs that were so effortless, it was like I was floating... my muscles merely pumping energy into my heart and mind to fulfill their purpose. In some ways they carried this task out today. When my feet slipped out from under me... it was a not so subtle reminder (or slap in the face... er knee) to be still.

I have started this journey many times now, from what appears to be the bottom. A place that feels dark and lonely. A space in my life where it seems all my wounds get ripped open at once... So, here I am again. Ready to set out and mend those wounds. Hope that they will heal a bit more, become a bit stronger before the next fall. I will choose to see today not so much as a set back (or further sliding down), but as an intense taste of stillness. A stillness that I must find to go about this journey with intention.

Today: ouch!
Week: we shall see...

A Place to Start...

This is not a political blog... and this post is not about who I want you to vote for in the next election. It is simply about a place to start. If you have a half an hour... listen to the speech... or read the transcript. It is worth ALL our time to at least think about.



I can't help but feel that the words spoken by Senator Obama come at a needed time. If nothing else, needed for me. There are so many huge issues in our world today. So many obstacles to make dealing with those issues seem impossible. However, I also feel very strongly that if we can find "a place to start", a moment where we recognize the possibilities... we can create change. Change towards the better. That is a very different thing than having all the answers before embarking on the journey (something I am to often striving for... with dismal results). It is a spark that lights a fuse. It is a realization that we are in this together, no matter how different we all seem... and that at the root of it all... we are internally dealing with much of the same "stuff". A common grief.

Anyway, I am starting this next chapter without any grand statements, or major goals... instead I am starting with the curiosity of where my "starting place" will take me. Feel free to follow along as I write about it here. And thanks ahead of time for the energy you might add to the journey.