If At First...

You don't start running... try again a little later. Tonight as the sun was starting set I got myself all ready for my run. It had been a productive day and it seemed like a logical step to add a run to that productivity (plus I hadn't left the house yet ;-) It was quite a bit cooler than it was two nights ago, which was much to my liking... all was in place for a pleasant run. I locked the door behind me, walked to the edge of my stairs... and stopped. As I looked at my neighborhood I had no desire to venture off into it's concrete confines. I often don't look forward to this, but this was the first time it stopped me in my tracks. For the first time, maybe ever, I simply turned around and walked back inside. This was very strange. I sat down and thought about it... a friend had called so I sat and talked for a few minutes. I asked for a pep talk... Lets just say there is no future in motivational speaking for her. However, by the end of the conversation (perhaps just for the sake of not being on the phone anymore... if you know me at all you know how much I love the phone), I was ready to try again. Once again, I locked the door... turned to face my environment... and this time set off towards the rusting sky (which reminds me... I have a song to finish with that image in it... wrote it on the road home from Iowa). At first I thought this might have been a bad idea. I felt pretty lousy, maybe my body was telling me it was a bad day for a run. I didn't listen. I let the run progress as it needed, and before I knew it... I was back at my door... 4 miles later. It is good to give yourself a second chance.

Today: 4 miles
Week: 7 miles

Back at It

Finally got a run in... it has been a while. I had an amazing last week, but no running. I won't even try to fit my whole week into a post. However, I will say that it was a beautiful example of how people can live in balance with each other and the land. Really cool to be a part of!!!

Today was my day to get back into the swing of things... getting stuff done around the house, food shopping, catching up on work stuff, and thankfully a RUN. It wasn't a great run, but a run none the less. It was a beautiful evening for a run. Warm, and the sunset forced me to just walk for a bit and soak it in.

I hope that everyone is doing well...

Today: 3 miles
Week: 3 miles

Out

Hey all... I will out of touch for a week. I will tell you all about it upon my return... take care.

On the Road Again...

Ugggh... Back at the driving bit. In Cheyenne getting ready to take off for a long day. I am draggin my feet a bit on actually getting going though. I did get a nice swim in last night... and had plans of starting off my morning that way, but the reality of that at 6am was a little more than I was up for. It was a nice thought though.

Quicky

Hey ya'll... no running (I am kind of craving one... which is a good sign for where my head is ;-) The past few days have been a hurricane of work!!! Maybe it is just that after working Beetle's mammoth project, our little space seems like a piece of cake... However, part of it is just a great compliment of skills and talents that I am surrounded by. We have completely transformed a cramped little photography studio, into a really cool space for coffee, music, photo display... community. And we haven't even got to some of the fun stuff yet!!! Ahhh... I am tired. A tired that I am proud of and had fun earning. I haven't talked much about specifics cause there have been things that were up in the air, but pictures and info are on the way... and hopefully a few runs as well.

Three More

I am living on my little 3 mile runs... snuck another one in today. The big news of the day is that I signed the sub-lease for our coffee space. So, now after being here for two weeks we can finally dig in fully!!! Yippee! More on all that later. Tonight we went to a house concert in town. Chad played a short opening set for an Austin singer-songwriter... Danny Santos. It was a good evening of listening.

Today: 3 miles
Week: 9 miles

Lazy Blogger...

Well, my lack of posts the past few days speaks to my running... but I suppose the silence also speaks to my time allocation for the blog. It has been a bit hectic. Yesterday was spent traveling to the Twin Cities to do some shopping (we ended up with nothing... well, not totally true), and Chad had a gig. This morning we drove back... I am beat. However, I did get a sluggish short run in. That I do feel good about. I really need to sneak a long one in soon... maybe tomorrow. We'll see. I longer post tomorrow as well.

Today: 3 miles
Week: 6 miles

Run with the Moon

I have mentioned before that I don't get to go on many (ok, any...) night runs in Vallejo. So, when I do get to go out for a run under a healthy moon... I enjoy it all the more. The warm touch of summer is hanging on, but fall is starting to collect in cool pockets of air. Although it was another short run, it felt powerful. I have been guilty to many times over the past year of just running to fit it in... tonight I soaked it in... used it to blow off steam... enjoyed it. I need to respect the potential of each run. I know that sometimes it just has to be done, so you can keep a string of fitness going... but we must remember how pure and simple the whole thing can be. I was lucky enough to do that tonight.

Today: 3 miles
Week: 3 miles

Uuuuugh...

Oh man... I ran about 3 hours ago, and I am just now getting to post about it... why? Well, I got done with an excellent run at sunset. It had been grey and rainy all day, and right when I got out the door to go run... the clouds broke and it was a beautiful show. So, I finished off a run (a bit faster pace than usual), called Papa Murphys (a new addition to Spencer), ordered a pizza, had to go across the street to the "store we shall not speak of..." so I could get a pizza cutter, ended up getting a movie (Grizzly Man, which I am about to watch... if I can stay awake), got back to Chad's apartment ready to rock'n'roll with my take'n'bake (I was REALLY excited about my pizza at this point)... Hummm... the oven won't light. Matches... no. Ooh a lighter... I could try to light a little piece of paper on fire and get the stove going that way... sounds like it would work, but no. Urgh!!! Ok, back out... find a gas station, no matches, but they do have a trigger lighter, that should work (I pick up some tasty beverages as well, make the trip worth while). Back to the apartment, which now smells strangely of burnt paper. The trigger lighter didn't seem to want to work either... Nooooooo!!! I am feeling like a grizzly bear at this point... one last try... whoooosh... WE HAVE IGNITION. Pizza goes in... the longest 12-15min of my life later... Mmmmmmm... and now, Uuuuugh. To much pizza. Oh well, now I will sit like a slug and watch my movie. Hope everyones weekend is treating them well.

Today: 3 miles (quick)
Week: 13 miles

Good Run

I am happy to say that tonight I had a good run. I waited till it was cooler, I had just got down pluggin away at my computer, and I forgot my watch... It was just me, the deer, the field and trees... awwwwww. Nice. I had been looking for that run where I felt better after the run than when I started. I got that tonight. I have been setting many of my runs up to fail, but tonight it clicked... for that I am thankful.

Lots to do, so I am off to shower and get back to work.

Today: 3 miles
Week: 10 miles

Run... sorta

Well, there was some running in there... I waited til later in the day (it has been so nice here), but I didn't drink much water during the day, it was warmer than I thought, and I was just plain tired. I was hoping the run would pick me up... ummm, not so much. I walked a good chunk, laid down on a bench in the shade and shut my eyes for awhile, walked some more... and then ran the rest of the way back to Chad's apartment. I actually saw Chad when I was heading back (he was out for a walk), I told him I was glad I ran into him while actually running... instead of him walking by me napping on the bench ;-)

Today: Lets call it 4 "all-purpose junk" miles
Week: 7 miles

Finally

Finally getting recovered from my trip... yesterday was a little rough. Not sure what the deal was, maybe allergies, maybe just my body saying, "chill out dude". So, lots of time just laying around doing nothing. Today I feel much better. It also helped to start the day off with a run.

Telling stories about the drive seems a little pointless now... but a few of the highlights (or low lights)... I ended up having to stop before getting all the way to Denver as I was hoping. I new that I needed to do that after a giant boulder hit my windshield (and instantly started cracking it), I started to get sleepy around 7pm after my 3:45am wake up (my brother didn't believe it would happen), and then I ran over a little bunny rabbit... that was the hare that broke the camels back. Oh, and then there was running my gas tank down to less than half a gallon of gas in the middle of Wyoming... yeah, I needed to stop driving. I am happy to say that the next day was much better. I had an excellent visit in Denver, and then the next day it was another full days drive to Iowa.

Now it is time to go to work... I will post more on that soon. Happy Monday to all!!!

Today: 3 miles
Week: 3 miles

Road Note 3

Ok, finally made it to Iowa... whew!!! Had a meeting... had a dinner meeting... and then Chad kept me up too late talking about fun ideas ;-) So, my big update is postponed yet again, but I am here safe and sound (mom ;-) I will get a good update done tomorrow when I can see straight again, and am a little less loopy. Ahhhh... sleep!!!

Road Note

Made it to Denver... Yippee... will get an actual post going later tonight.

On second thought... too tired, another early departure tomorrow... I will write about the whole trip when I arrive in Iowa. There is good stuff too: rocks, a bunny... poor bunny, early mornings, gas rationing, mcdonalds dvds, friends, grinders, good meals, worlds problems being solved... this trip has it all!!!

Road Note

Just a quick note to say hello from the road... in the Salt Lake area... but not for long...

Good Bye and Fly...

So this is my first flight post "latest threat of terror. So, I got here a bit early... as I figured, I breezed through. Now I sit. At least PDX has free wi-fi (as it should be at airports)... not to mention lots of good eats and shopping if you wish.

My brief NW trip was good. I needed to come up for the memorial service, I needed that closure. It is hard to lose someone who you thought your would get to know better, and see grow into herself. I was sad for all the things that she wouldn't get to do for the world (and she would have done so much, and did so much in her short life). However, at the memorial service listening to all the stories about her (like when she brought a stranger she befriended home to feed them and help them out) I realized that the many people she touched (and there were a lot of people there) would carry a little piece of her out into the world. She in a sense would send us all out to do the work she would have tried to do. Of course we will go about it in our own ways, but you could not help walk from that service without a little more resolve to make the world a better place.

Rebecca, I will do my best to hold up my end of that... thank you for the passion that you put into your short time with us. You are loved and missed.

SOS

SOS,
originally uploaded by Miss Aniela.

I woke up this morning and found this picture from one of my Flickr contacts... Before even reading the caption I felt a connection to it. Sort of like, "oh yeah, I am not the only one out there feeling this way." It also reminded me of the many tools that I have to express how I feel in those dark places (as done so beautifully here by Miss Aniela). I can find my medication in many forms: friends, art, music, running, nature... that is the amazing part of the cycle... finding those things in contrast to the darkness. How sweet are the kind words of a friend, or the gentle sounds of my guitar, or the sweet breezes of an aging summer... so this morning, as I turn the page... I am thankful for those things.

Crappy

I would say that I have been lazy the past couple of days... but it isn't that... I have been crappy. It is the times when I need to run the most that it is the hardest to make it happen. I have said before that running is self medicating for me. However, that sometimes backfires when the depression pushes the medication aside. It ends up being a bad cycle. It is a cycle that I am tired of, but that is the kicker... that just makes me feel more depressed... and thus deeper into the cycle I go. I am not sitting here feeling sorry for myself (or maybe I am), I am just... I don't even know.

Tomorrow I am driving up to Portland for a memorial service for a girl (a soon to be senior in high-school) that was at the camp that I was counseling at a month ago. She was a girl that was struggling through a lot of stuff, and that I felt I would get to watch work through that stuff to blossom into a beautiful treasure of experience. An accident on the river ended that. Death now rubs wounds raw for me. It puts me right back into a fog of questioning everything that I see around me. I feel like this is my first opportunity to use what I have been through to help others, but I am having trouble seeing my own strength to do that. I thought this week would be about "rockin-and-rollin" in preparation for new ventures in my life... instead I have been back putting my energy into getting out of bed in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other. I miss my Dad.

It will be good to go to the service and find some closure on this... so, I know that this week has been about processing for me. However, I guess that doesn't make it easier. I suppose I had some hope that since I worked really hard on my stuff, and felt like I had made a lot of progress... that I wouldn't so easily get pushed back into dark places. However, I also have come to understand that in part, that is just me... that with getting pushed down there, I also have the ability to bounce back just as quickly. It is all part of my equipment. So, even as I write this, it is with some faith that by following this path through... I will come out the other end as needed. That is the beauty of hope (and why it is so dangerous to loose it). I hope that your weekends treat you well... in what ever your life circumstances might be.

Busy Day

It was a full day... trying to get as much done as I can before the next trip. However, I did manage to squeeze a run in. Pushed it a bit harder than my last few runs, but that was good I think. It is good to go past comfortable every once in a while. Had a strange little pain in my left ankle (about the only thing of note).

Today: 3 miles
Week: 8 miles

V-town

I was really dreading my first run back in Vallejo... it was so nice to be in the trees, and on endless dirt. However, I am happy to report that it wasn't too bad. It was still V-town, as I walked out my door there were three police cars (and a motorcycle), and they were taking pictures of this van in the middle of the street. Yeah... I have no idea what was going on... and frankly I probably didn't want to know. Perhaps it was another Bus incident. Whatever.

Today: 5 miles
Week: 5 miles