New Decade... Get in Shape?

So... it has been quite some time since I even pretended to run. However, I have been on my bike a lot the past few months, and the past few weeks that has included several 15 mile rides (I know this is not much for you bike folks... but it is a bit of a chore on the tank!).

Could this be the beginning of something?

Horse!

When that horse bucks you off... sometimes the best thing to do is just get right back in the saddle and go again. That is what I did today (although there was no horse involved). When woke up this morning I didn't intend on even trying to run again today. I felt so banged up and defeated yesterday I figured I would take a day or so to lick my wounds. However, as I rolled into the evening last night I was gaining some energy... and it happen to push right on through the morning. I had an insightful e-mail conversation that left me thinking, "I need to get back out there! I need to change my perspective (thanks friend)". It was really more of a mental thing, because I barely went far enough for me to count it as a run. Although I did achieve a brief moment of letting go... of stillness (it was short lived with the pounding of my heart taking over). It was actually quite sweet to touch on that. I have started this year off with a severe lack of confidence. So to even have a little success was a much needed lift. I won't even talk about how out of shape I am... although, there is part of me that is looking forward to the long slow climb. That in it self is good to feel.

Up?

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Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Well... here I am again... out of shape both physically and mentally. It seems I keep finding myself in this place. Today I prescribed myself a run. I need it. My heart and mind are stuck, and my body is a rusty pile of bones. I wanted to find a space of inspiration, of momentum... instead I fell flat on my face... and then some. Perhaps this means there is no where to go but up? I am not sure. I tried to listen to the wind as I hobbled back to my car. I was sure there was some wisdom carried in the rain drops as the began to fall, mixing with the tears that broke through when I hit the ground. However, there was no such clarity, just a muddy mess.

I think to find such clarity I need to re-learn the art of stillness. Things only shake out and settle when we are still. My running often takes the form of stillness (at least it did once upon a time). I remember runs that were so effortless, it was like I was floating... my muscles merely pumping energy into my heart and mind to fulfill their purpose. In some ways they carried this task out today. When my feet slipped out from under me... it was a not so subtle reminder (or slap in the face... er knee) to be still.

I have started this journey many times now, from what appears to be the bottom. A place that feels dark and lonely. A space in my life where it seems all my wounds get ripped open at once... So, here I am again. Ready to set out and mend those wounds. Hope that they will heal a bit more, become a bit stronger before the next fall. I will choose to see today not so much as a set back (or further sliding down), but as an intense taste of stillness. A stillness that I must find to go about this journey with intention.

Today: ouch!
Week: we shall see...

Bike

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Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Happy New Year everyone... I hope it is treating you well. It has been a little rough around the edges in my world, but the sun has been shining so I will smile. Another good thing about the sun shining in CA (compared to IA in January)... is that there is no excuse to not get the running shoes on and get going. I will admit that the shoes have not made it out yet, but I am happy to say... the BIKE has. Yes, I am wading into new territory and getting back on a bike for the first time (consistently) since I was a kid!

Last time through the Northwest I picked up my mom and dad's old bikes (from when I was a kid). They had been banished to live a sad life in the shed for many years, and with the help of my house-mate (josh)... they have found a second wind.

I am hoping I find a second (or so) wind myself. I am ready to find a rhythm once again to my fitness. To understand where my body is at and how far I can push it. I have decided to make the bike an intricate part of this. This choice is based partly on the state of my body (and joints). The miles over the years, and the time off have added up to a hurting unit. However, I also think it will be helpful to have a new challenge to tackle. I have no preconceived notions of what I can do on a bike, and thus can partially just enjoy it. Many of my running attempts are often foiled by my bodies lack of ability to do what it knows I once did. My hope is that the bike will allow my body to catch up a bit to the mental part of my running... eventually putting everything in sync. The tentative goal at that point is to perhaps start looking at some biathlons or triathlons.

For now I am enjoying my short rides, and looking forward to a run sometime soon.

Pause.

I am pressing the pause button on my life... well, at least the computer portion. So, not a lot of action from me (not that there has been much here lately)... but I will be back (hopefully a little refreshed) in the swing of things soon. I am kicking around some thoughts about how to get the shoes laced up and get out there again. First I have to get healthy, and gain a bit of focus... thus, the pause. Take care.

Not Good...

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Originally uploaded by TreeBed

I wanted to start running when I got back to Iowa... instead I messed up my back on the drive, and fell down some stairs (twisting my ankle).

Geez...

Runner's Yoga

My energy is still a little lacking from that bug I got... so I have felt like I need to conserve my energy to get back to 100% (also incase I am fighting off some sort of virus that is zappin me). However, I want to do SOMETHING for my body. This lead me to pulling out a book that I have had sitting around since college... The Runner's Yoga Book, by Jean Couch. At least then I will be working towards getting my body ready to run. I have been feeling like much of my knee problems come down to my body being so tight. I want to think I can just pull out the book and start practicing a daily routine, but I sorta know myself better than that. Perhaps I will check out a class to help get me going... we'll see.

Pink Triangle (2)

Pink Triangle
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Well... it wasn't a run, but it certainly was a workout going up and down the hill with the giant pink canvases. This year I actually worked, when it came to helping my cousin Patrick (and Fam) with the Pink Triangle. We took it down today, and I am sure my legs (as well as some other muscles I didn't know I had) will feel it tomorrow.

It was a good time though... and a cool thing to be a part of... especially since it was with family.

Bleh.

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Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Caught some bug... not been feeling well. This picture sums up most of my activity the past week or so. I am on the mend though... hopefully I can get out soon.

Although if these fires keep burning... it will be like running while smoking a pack of cigarettes.

Swing

Swing
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Didn't record my run yesterday... wasn't a whole lot to record, but I did get out. I had to push through some knee pain to get it done. However, I felt good about it when finished.

The second clip in the video is of me in the hammock at the house (right before my run)... If you want to do something good for your running (and the planet)... go read In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollan. It is a good start to thinking differently about the way we eat (which is sorta an important part of living... and living well).

Today: a fair bit of walking to get water for my overheating car...
Week: 3 miles

China Camp Run

China Camp Run
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

Oh where does this path lead... This is a shot from yesterdays run. A good day for a good run. It was short, and a little painful. However, I was still quite happy with it.

About to head out for today's attempt... we'll see what happens.

Today: a few miles
Week: a few more miles.

Another Short One

It was another short one tonight, but I did get out... and it was longer than last night. Part of this was due to the sore wheel (left knee), and part of it was a fire burning in nearby Fairfield. I could see the plume of smoke over the hill as I drove to the little reservoir in Vallejo. I also knew that it was a chemical fire from the radio news report accompanying the site, and they were evacuating the surrounding area... so, this seemed like a good reason to cut things a bit short tonight. However, I am sure the air that I breath on a regular basis in Vallejo is just as bad as any I was inhaling during the run.

My short run did include some hills, and so I will be happy with the burn going on in the legs... as well as the momentum of two days of running in a row.

Today: a couple miles
Week: some running

Still Going...

Had a bit of a break... not really intentional, but chose to put energy into some other things. However, I am ready to get back to it, and got myself out the door this evening. It almost didn't happen as I got caught up in election coverage, but I managed to at least get out and get the legs moving. Not much more... we'll get a bit farther tomorrow.

Today: Running shoes, shorts, and running.

Cobwebs

Is that how you spell cobwebs? I guess so... anyway, I blew a few cobwebs out today and got past my "travel tightness" (perhaps that is why I am always traveling... so I can blame it on traveling and not on getting old and out of shape). At any rate, it was a nice (quick) three miles this evening. The crisp Spring air coaxed me into pace that was an obvious change from the past few days, and it felt good. I can feel some strength starting to creep back in... that little voice returning that says, "I like this..." (it has been a while since running has felt like something that was a "good" thing).

Today: 3 miles
Week: 6+ miles

Good Start

A good start to the week... 3+ miles running... with a mile or so of walking to finish it off (just cause it was so nice out).

Today: 3+ miles
Week: 3+ miles

(edit): as an add on (I had to write this post quickly sunday)... I have to partially credit Noah Earle with helping get me out the door on this day. We had the musician for a rare afternoon Sunday show at Shaky Tree, and we got to talking about running. After the good talk, I figured I had no choice but to get out and get one done... I was glad I did. And if you get the chance to check out Noah's music... I highly suggest it!!!

Better.

I felt better yesterday. I still had to slow up a few times and force a shortened stride, but it didn't alter my run too much. Even though my running hasn't gone "smoothly" this week... I can feel a change in my attitude towards it (and maybe towards myself in general). I think that I have turned a corner, being able to see it for the tool that it is in my life right now... rather than judging it compared to what it has been in my past. Growth. Spring is good for that.

Yesterday: 3+ miles
Week: Growth

Two for Two

I am now two for two this week on runs that I can't really count as runs. I got out the door again today, and I actually felt pretty good, but... I am back in Iowa, the weather was beautiful... I mean, perfect... and I got a lot done today (that gave a little mental boost). I was ready to rock that run. Unfortunately I didn't think too much about my travel day, or how that might of effected my body. So I got a little rambunctious. I am getting to the point where I can actually have moments of feeling pretty good during my run (especially early on). It is sort of like my body is remembering how it works, but obviously not enough to say, "hey buddy... slow down so we can get loosened up and make it through this whole run!"

And so... I did not make it through the whole run. My knee started yelling, and I had to walk. This was not all bad, because it was such a beautiful evening to "walk" and watch the sunset. However, I was a little frustrated that I wasn't smarter (and kinder) with my body. I guess that is partly why I am keeping this blog... it is now written down, and hopefully I will learn enough to do better tomorrow.

Today: A few miles running, and some walking
Week: Some running... some walking

Something...

is better than nothing... that was my approach to running today. I have managed to keep working on the early mornings (at least the idea of changing old patterns... "early" is relative you know). However, I can't say that it has been a huge boost to my mental state. I am not sure why, but I have been pretty sluggish this past week (mentally and physically). I know part of it is the stress of life changes and not feeling very connected to much of anything... I'm coming up on 3 years of constant movement (haven't been in one place for longer than 3 months for over 2 years), and the lack of being rooted has taken its toll. These are just guesses and things I have been thinking about... so, I figured I would write them down to take note.

I also think allergies have been draggin me down a bit... bleh!

Anyway... I managed to get the shoes on and at least start today... I didn't go far, but I didn't really care. My body (and/or mind) is not "right", and until it feels a bit more "normal"... I will cut it some slack.

Today: I ran.
Week: Hopefully I will do it again.

Morning Person...

Perhaps I will become a "morning person"... ok, now all of you who know me can get back up into your seats and compose yourself. Yes... I said it, the word "morning" in reference to myself, and not in the context of sleeping well into it. This week I have found myself up before 7 a.m... 4 out of 5 mornings. This is normal for some, and I have had working stretches of being up well before the sun for weeks on end (or never-ending as it often felt). However this week it was all on my own accord (with a little help from that pesky Brother... who certainly IS a morning person), and dare I say... I have enjoyed it. I have also been quite productive with this time, and feel a certain sense of reinventing myself by doing so.

I have had times in my life when I thought about making a change to really solidify a shift in my... lets say, "existence". You know, one of those times where you just know you need to change the dynamic of your world (perhaps inner, outer or both). Sometimes I cut my hair... or let it grow... or change locations (perhaps repeatedly every few weeks), jobs, start running/stop running... lots of things. This is where I am. The kind of shift where I want to create a different way of looking at the world (and maybe change the way the world looks at me). Changing a very ingrained pattern in my life (one that is often used to partially define me) is a pretty dramatic way to do that. It is also a pattern that has existed as a constant over all the types of changes that I listed above... thus giving it a different weight.

I have done a lot of processing and growing through this blog, and the past few years of dealing with my grief has been a great teacher. Yet... I haven't felt the shift of breaking free of that classroom... rarely taking ownership of what I have learned. This has left me frustrated. I have been waiting for the shift to happen to me, rather than creating the shift with my action. Knowledge is not worth much in the classroom... only when we leave that space and put it into action do we see the level of our understanding (and usually see we have a ways to go... which is actually the fun part). Not to say we never return to the classroom... but the trick is knowing when you are stuck there. And then the task becomes finding your way out.

I am going to see if this "early morning" door is my way out... out into a world that I know needs my full participation, rather than just the parts of me that get past my self-conscience fears. Can't say that it is going to be the only door for me, but it certainly will be potent statement that I am working on it. Today... it was a beautiful morning outside the classroom.

Today: 3 (early morning) miles
Week: 3 miles (plus 6 miles hiking)

Hikin

Wildcat Camp
Originally uploaded by TreeBed

No run for a few days... ok, a week. I traveled back to CA, and then got caught up doing "catch up" stuff around the house. I also knew that I would be getting several days of hiking in on the weekend... of which I would need everything my body had to offer.

So, Friday was a nice an easy 2 miles in... Saturday was a solid 10 miles, which featured a wonderful little uphill section (yeah)... and Sunday was about 6 or so out (again with the hills... straight up from where that yellow is... ouch).

My body definitely feels it (I am pretty sore today)... but I am also happy to report that I could feel the miles that I have been running... working for me. I had some good conversations with Skippy and GASR about running, training and thinking about some future races (toying with the idea of a triathlon). All in all it was a great weekend, and despite a bit of "body breakdown"... it was good for my motivation to keep moving these small steps forward.