Back to Basics

Well, I was feeling a bit sluggish today... all that energy ready to dive into a million different things caught up to me, in the form of "where the heck do I start?" So, I decided the best place to start was back at the basic spark that got the ball rolling in the first place... a run. I would like to say that it was a beautiful experience that sent me roaring back from the blahs, but it wasn't that. Instead it was a rather ugly, tight chested, soar knee, windy, cold (well compared to Belize, sorry Midwesterners) and short run. However, I think it did the trick. A little bit of refocusing, and the ability to put that check mark of something positive on my day. It will take a few runs to get the legs rolling again... that is ok.

So, how is everyone else's running going? Give me a progress report...

Today: 2.5 miles
Week: 2.5 miles

Back from Belize

Dory,
originally uploaded by TreeBed.

For those of you keeping score... it is not March 3rd (my original return date), but I am now home in Vallejo. Why? Well, it just made the most sense to me. I was ready to get home and start applying the stuff I had just learned, and wanted to save the 2nd part of my traveling adventure for when I was more in tourist mode. And it all worked out rather well. The day I changed my ticket I ran into Dawn (lives and owns the farm the course was at), and so I ended up spending my last days back in the jungle. Aside from being stung by a scorpian, which left me feeling like my entire body had fallen asleep for most of the day, it was exactly how I wanted to spend my last bit of time in Belize. I am still sort of in disbelief that yesterday morning (4:15 am to be exact) I got up and road a dory down the river, got on a bus, got on another bus (for 7 freakin hours), road a taxi, got on plane, got on another plane, got into a car, and then slept in my own bed that night. Pretty wild. It feels nice to be home, and I am still very charged up to get rollin along... I look forward to sharing stories with you all and finding out some of your own from the past 3 weeks.

I got the 2nd round of photos (the ones that I didn't erase), you can follow this pic and then view them as a group.

New Song

Well, still forming the next move, in the meantime I will share a song that I wrote during the past two weeks... I think that it sums up pretty well where I am at.

Still Me (a working title)
2/14/06
Maya Mountain Research Farm

Ain't it great, to see you again
Its been so long since I met you friend...
You are me, We are one, all the things we have done
Who we are, is the path that we are on.

Chorus:
Here I am...walking down the road.
It hardly seems, I am who I used to know...
But its still me

Gratitude, I breath it in, then I breath it out to you
Thats what it is, open my eyes to this life Im liven in
Thats not much, but its what I got
One step closer... to a healing heart.

Dreams of past, wishful thinking eludes these present tasks
This precious moment, is all that I can want, or ever keep
So I'll take my potential to rise up above this resevior of grief

Use the pain, worked back into the fields
Now cultivate, the compassion that I can see is real
Know myself, open my heart to all that I have felt
And I will say... that I will live more full each day.

It is still rough, but it has been comforting to play... I even got to play it for a talent night we had the last nigth of the course.

I got a decent 3 mile run in yesterday. That was nice. It had been a while. There was really no place to run at the farm (I mean that literally, NO place), so it felt good to get out and get the legs moving again. I have been scrambling to get some more photos taken so I can put a few up. Until then...

My course is over, and it is hard to believe I have been gone for over two weeks... it seems to have gone so fast, but the experience was so rich it is hard to imagine that it could have all fit into such a short time. Today is recovery day. Do a little recoup and make plans for what is next.

Jungle life is pretty amazing... I am not sure I could be a full time resident, but it certainly has a magical quality to it that is all its own. There is so much life, it feels like you can watch the plants growing right in front of you. I was also fortunate to be there with a wonderful group. People from New York, Iowa, and the Bay Area (And more... that is a solid span of the country)... as well as a number of folks from the surrounding areas in Belize. It was so enjoyable to share in the human spirit that connects us all, and that was felt in many strong ways the past two weeks.

It was my plan to post some pictures today... However, it seems that this is meant to be a non-photo kind of trip. First my photo storage plan ended up being a bust, and then today I was fiddling with my camera and managed to erase all my photos... I guess the bright side is that since my storage was limited I really didn't have that many photos that were lost. Still it was a sort of sad to lose what I had. Fortunately everyone else on the course took lots of photos and will be sharing.

Anyway, I will end there for now. I will try to add some stories from the past two weeks sometime soon. Although, if I head out tomorrow for far off lands then who knows about the timing of more updates. I hope you are all well... you are in my thoughts.

Amazing!!!

Well, I haven't had as much access to the web as I thought I might... it has been a bit on the cloudy side, so the solar power was being rationed. However, clouds aside, I am having an amazing time! I am learning soooo much and put many of the pieces together that have been floating in my head for a long time. I have met wonderful people accross the board from Iowa to Belize. Anyway, my time is short so this will be short as well... take care all.

In Belize

Well, I have made it, and survived my first night here ;-) I am on a little island called Caye Caulker. It is VERY laid back and friendly. The weather sort of feels like a Lamoni summer, but surrounded by water... so it is not Lamoni. The itinerary here is a lot of lounging and not much else. This is a very good place to do that! Tomorrow I will be heading south most likely, getting closer to where my class is. I'm going to keep this short, but will try to get some pics uploaded soon.

Running Around

Well, no run yesterday, and none so far today... (although today still might happen) Just running around. Trying to get last minute stuff done for my trip. For the most part I am actually on top of things. Now, it wouldn't be me if I was totally on the ball. However, I am feeling pretty good about where I am at (see me tomorrow afternoon to find out if I was right ;-)

I wanted to run yesterday, but I got some shots in the morning... Lets just say me and shots don't always get along. Yeah, I practically passed out. I thought I was fine. The first one went well, and then I started thinking about it. That was all it took, all my hospital stories flooded in, the smell, the lights... Whew! Today was fine, I just started on my back instead of ending up there.

Off to do a trial packing...

No Fear

Today I ran as a different person. Sounds kind of corny, but I am serious... Today I was a different runner than I was on Saturday. For one, I did the same run 3 min faster than I had been doing it, but more important was why that happened. Because I felt good! Why was that? I believe it was because I was running without something. Today I ran without fear. I realized that part of what accomplishing my goal (the first part of it) was that it freed me to let go of fear (at least during my run). Fear that I wouldn't make it, that I wasn't good enough, etc... I let that go Saturday, and today I ran without the extra weight. It was great. Really for the first time since I started this I felt really connected to it, and it felt natural again. I saw a crack of light ahead to feel that way in my day to day life again as well. That is exciting to me.

Today: 33:10 (5 miles - now that I hit my mileage goal, I will be concentrating more on how long I was out for rather than how far I went)
Week: 5 miles

30

I did it! 30 miles this week, and felt pretty strong doing it (well, my legs are a little pooped... Speaking of poop, a bird pooped on my hand a block into the run. Luckly I had gloves on, and the only damage done was 5 miles of paranoia that I would wipe my face with the back of my glove... happy to say I didn't). Anyway, when I stopped my watch at the end of my run, I must say a big smile took over my face. I mean, even writing this now it is sort of choking me up. And it is not the number, technically about the 3rd week I could have put 30 miles in (that would have been ugly)... No, it is that I did it in a way that laid a foundation for me to now feel like I can keep going. It is the idea that 2 months ago there was very little in my life that I felt I was doing "right", that I was doing in a sustainable way. Now I am on the other end of two months of daily steps, and it feels good. I can now use the same approach to tackle something else in my life that I want to achieve.

I want to thank everyone who has been following along. Your presence on this journey was far more powerful than you will ever know. The biggest thing that I learned the past two months is that this is all about connection. I have received some amazing e-mails from you all, and the comments, and just the sense that when I headed out the door... I wasn't alone. Thank you!

Now the trick will be keeping this rolling...

Today: 5 miles
Week: 30 miles!!!

Cleaning out the Closet

Today, I cleaned my closet. Talk about fun... Sorting through this and that, dividing into "keep" and "time to let go of". I will admit that I am some what of a pack rat, you just never know when something will be useful. I do this both in the physical world, and even more so in my mental world. As I continue on this process of getting my "soul" back in shape, I am quickly approaching a time where I will need to clean out the closet in my heart. I have been working very hard to get my physical world in order before my trip so that when I return I am ready to roll. That has meant going through my "piles", not just moving them from one place to another, but sifting through and dealing. In that work has been reminders of the clutter in my heart. Things that I have held onto for one reason or another... Conversations (words both said to me and from me), relationships, ideas of where or who I should be at this point in my life, anger, fears. This is why when I crash mentally, it can be hard, and doesn't take much to trigger sometimes. I have realized this time around that this comes from the weight of all those piles in my heart. Things that if I were to let go of, I would be free to move on from and not be carrying around through my daily walk. This is easy to say, but hard to do. However, when I think about moving past the tightness in my chest, and breathing fully into my heart again. Being able to love fully (myself included) is something I want in my life. So I made a box... A "things to let go of" box. During my sorting, if I come across a physical reminder of something in my heart that it is time to let go of (a letter, pic, etc.) it goes into that box. Not to be buried again, but at sometime to be let go of. Something that I preached as a coach was that all the little things that you do add up to allowing you to put it together at some point (whether a race, or dreams and life ambitions). Speaking of such things... I got my miles in today and a nice little weights session. Have a great weekend all!

Today: 5 miles
Week: 25 miles
W

Holy Hills!

Today I did some hills... That blew some cobwebs out that I hadn't reached yet! Now that it is done, it was kind of nice (in a sick twisted sorta way). It took me back to all kinds of memories, "hills at the Fort" in my high school days, the golf course in Lamoni. I have actually always been fond of hills as a workout. It is very straight forward (and you KNOW you are doing something). At one point a few years ago I put together a training plan based completely on doing hills... I will have to dig that up. Anyway, it was short and sweet. The hill was about 150m, and pretty darn steep (got steeper as it went up). I thought I would do 8 when I ran by it the first time (I did a two mile warm up- with a good size hill just to get to the repeat hill), but after one round I realized that wasn't going to happen. So, 4 good solid hills to start me off. It felt good to push myself past (way past) comfortable, and seemed relevant to my upcoming travels. I say that because there will be a fair amount of pushing past comfort for myself on my trip. This is my first trip out of the country by myself, and there will be lots of exploring the unknown. I am looking forward to that challenge... And just like during those hills I will be saying, "I can do this, I can do this!"

Today: 4 miles
Week: 20 miles (two 5 mile days and I have my 30 miles week, yippee!)

Well...

I have slipped into a bit of the blahs... so I tried to make sure I got my run in early today. The good news is I got out the door, and I will call it 4 miles... I probably covered 5 miles, but a good bit of that was walking. Which, I am going to take advise given a few post ago, and not worry about it. The walking was actually nice. Sometimes it is easier to think about stuff while walking vs. running. Anyway, I think I am going to go get a weights set in as well, and a protein shake... my weight went back under 142 lbs today. I haven't been eating as well as I should (nor drinking my share of water).

Today: 4 miles
Weeks: 16 miles
W

Belize...

I wanted to let you all know that a week from Friday I will headed to Belize for a month. What?! Yup, I am taking a design course down there that will last two weeks, and then I am going to take a couple of weeks for myself. I am pretty darn excited! This is a course that I wanted to take since moving out here (4 years ago). When I saw that it was offered in Belize during Feb... I decided it was time. The course is in a design concept called Permaculture (contraction of "permanent" + "agriculture or culture"), it combines a lot of things that I am in to, gives a path to follow. Here are a few links with more info...

What is Permaculture?
The Belize Course

I am hoping to still get some posts up from Belize (and hopefully keep running)... should be an adventure!

No run today... it was a walk around town day.

Did it!

8 miles... Maybe just a hair short, but good enough for me today. I started off confident and strong, and after about 30min turned to sloppy and jelly like. However, no one said it had to be pretty. It was a good chance for my mind to meander. There are lots of things in my world to kick around, and a good long run is a helpful (healthy) place to do that. The endorphines are also a nice bonus that I don't get with the 3 milers. As I stated before... running was always a form of self medication. Time to go eat, replace all those calories burned away.

Today: 8 miles
Week: 12 miles

Strike One...

Well, my first attempt to run today was a bust... but I am soon off to try again. I got up, and put my running clothes on first thing (once they are on... you gotta go). Then it was off to Berkeley to enjoy a beautiful 8 miles by the bay. About half way there I realized... NO RUNNING SHOES! I had so much on my mind this morning (hopefully I will be sharing what that "stuff" is in the near future), I left without a very important part of the process. Anyway, I am off to try again. Hope all your Mondays are treating you well... as far as Mondays go.

Run to 30

The culmination of my plan starts today! I was shooting to get up into the 30 miles a week category, and this is the first week that should happen. It would have been hard to find a nicer day for it to begin on...

Today: 4 miles
Week: 4 miles

Tomorrow I am going to try to get an 8 miler in... Yup, about an hour, and my longest run to date (and probably where I will max out at for a while).

Coast Tour

Coast Tour,
originally uploaded by TreeBed.

No run today. Seth and I ended up taking an all day tour of the coast. I wish I would have brought my running stuff... it was a beautiful day. Oh well, gear up for my first week of 30 miles next week.

Hope your weekends are treating you well.

TGIF

Yeah, when you work for yourself TGIF doesn't really mean much, but it is a beautiful day so what the heck. I will celebrate other peoples excitement that it is nearly the weekend! As I said, it is a spectacular day, and I enjoyed a brisk morning run. It was chilly, but each time I popped out into the sun, I couldn't ask for much more. I hope that everyone has a great weekend...

Today: 5 miles
Week: 11+ miles
W

Mindfulness

No run today, but I wanted to share the opening words of the chapter that I read today (Unattended Sorrow, by Stephen Levine)... It built so well upon the things that I was thinking yesterday during my run.

MINDFULNESS IS KNOWING WHAT YOU ARE DOING WHILE YOUR ARE DOING IT- experiencing your life not as an afterthought but as a living presence.

Those were powerful words for me this morning, and I thought I would share.

Healthy Rain

Today was one of those days that as it went on I felt less and less like running... Fortunately I didn't listen to that feeling! I didn't make it down to Berkeley, instead I had to run something up to the store (napa). I took my stuff up there, but no... then I got back home, hmmm... "It is going to get dark, Vallejo is not Berkeley or Napa, kind of hungry, etc." Instead, "get dressed and get out the door for a good 3." I am glad that I listened to the second voice. Already after a few easy days my legs felt good, I remember when I could feel little notches of getting in shape. I felt one of those click in today... it felt good. Towards the end of my run it started to rain. It was a healthy, pleasant rain. I thought about the poem I wrote only a few weeks ago about the rain mixing with tears... today I was fed by the rain. I took my hat off, and let my hair dance around a bit. I could feel each drop hitting my scalp, it was wonderful! I realized today the beauty of getting older. Sometimes we look at all the things we lose as we get older, but we gain so much as well. I have felt the past two months that I am starting from scratch, in both my running, and in many ways my life. However, that is not true. I have 28 years of life under my belt (and a pretty good chunk of miles). If I choose, I can use those experiences in so many ways to help get me to where I am still trying to go. Sure we get knocked back on occasion, but we have that much more knowledge to work with next time. I will take that "experience" over the wasted excess energy of my younger self any day (although I wouldn't mind having those rubbery/indestructible joints back).

So today, to the challenges in my life I say... I am ready to step to the line and listen for the gun to go off... I will give it my best, and run the race with the knowledge that I am doing the little things to get me where I want to be (both for today, and for future goals). I also run with the knowledge that I have lots of teammates out there that are doing the same. They want to see me be successful, just as I want to see them achieve their goals. By supporting each other during both ups and downs, we have a pretty good shot of feeling good about things, no matter how the "race" turns out.

Today: 3+ miles
Week: 6+ miles